Already got asked if we're dating
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
