the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
