I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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