My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
