I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
