Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
