that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
