If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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