You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
