paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
