My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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