I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
