Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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