my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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