he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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