So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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