We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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