If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
