Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
