Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
