Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
