I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
