my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
