A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
