Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
