I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
