There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize