ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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