i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
