I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
