It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
