CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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