he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
