so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
