i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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