just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
