It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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