I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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