he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize