I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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