I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
