I bet he comes in French.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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