Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
