Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
