Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
