He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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