haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
