Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
