can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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