all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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