yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
