i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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