if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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