If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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