True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize