and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize