Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
