I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
