So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry about my life...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
