That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
