My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im part way to drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
