a queef is a wish your heart makes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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