i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
