I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
