The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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