I am spending my child support on dildos
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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