i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
