Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
