I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
